Just another "R" word blog

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Recent events have prompted this of course (in case you’ve been on a trip out of country or hiding under a rock I am referring to Sarah Palin’s missed opportunity at advocating for her son) but I have wanted to address the whole “R” word thing for a long time and haven’t because I just didn’t really know what to say. I can’t even seem to effectively explain to certain members of my family why it is so wrong to use the word retarded as an insult. They refrain from using it, but they don’t understand why it bothers me so much. I have tried to explain, but I guess I don’t have the right words. So why am I posting this then? Honestly? Therapy I guess. I can’t seem to get some of the people who are closest to me to understand how using the word in that way belittles my child and all children (and adults) like him, and that really upsets me. I need to rant a little I guess. So here it goes.
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WHY IT BOTHERS ME:
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I think people should “say what they mean, and mean what they say”. I don’t like it when people use the word gay as an insult either, or when someone says “you throw like a girl”. When you say “gay” what you really mean is that something is feminine, perhaps flamboyantly so, or sometimes that something is stupid or bad. When you say “you throw like a girl” what you really mean is that someone is throwing badly, like someone who hasn’t learned to throw a ball yet. When you call someone or something retarded you are by definition saying “that’s slow”. What you mean to say though is “that’s stupid” or “that’s ridiculous”. So say THAT then. Why take a word and twist it like that? It’s lazy and ignorant. Notice I said what I meant there? No, I am not perfect. Yes, I sometimes use slang. I do, however, try my best to be conscious of the words I use. I do my best to insult only the person or thing I feel deserves it.
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WHY IT HURTS:
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It hurts because my son is developmentally delayed. You may notice that I cannot bring myself to use the word retarded there. Even though that is the word that the medical profession will use to describe my son’s slowed mental development for the rest of his life. It hurts because using the word that is associated with my son, and specifically with his challenges, as an insult means that WHETHER YOU MEAN TO OR NOT YOU ARE SAYING MY CHILD IS STUPID, BAD AND RIDICULOUS. You are saying that someone or something is so stupid, so bad, so awful that you must insult it/them, and the worst thing you can think of, the most insulting thing that comes to mind is to say they are like my son. Of course you don’t mean to insult my beautiful, spectacular, wonderful child who has just as much a right to your respect as any other person on this planet, but you are insulting him, him and many other beautiful, spectacular, wonderful people. Still don’t see it? Still don’t understand? Try this: The next time something or someone aggravates you to the point that you feel the need to use that word, replace it with the name of someone you really love. When that horrible driver cuts you off in traffic call them an F-ing ______ (fill in with the name of your spouse, child, best friend, mom, etc.)
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BUT EVERYONE DOES IT:
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Uh huh, and if everyone jumps off a cliff…. Yep I sound like my mom. That’s okay. The older I get the less that bothers me, because you see, my mom was right. Those of us over the age of 7 know better. We really do. Just because others are doing something does not make it okay. Especially if we know we shouldn’t. Especially if we know it’s wrong. When we are in the public eye it is even worse. Maybe that’s not fair, I don’t know, but it is. It’s worse because when Joe Shmoe jumps off a cliff it affects and influences only those people who know Joe Shmoe. When someone whose actions are noticed by thousands jumps, it affects and influences thousands. “With great power comes great responsibility” this goes for actors, sports figures, and yes, political figures of both parties. Why are people so especially angry with Sarah Palin for simply condoning Rush Limbaugh’s use of the word as an insult? She didn’t even use the word herself, so why is everyone so upset with her actions? Well, it’s because she’s supposed to “get it”. She’s supposed to understand how hurtful it is to use the word retarded as an insult. We expected her to stand up for her son, and for all our children. Whether we agree with her politics or not (and I am not going to say either way because it’s irrelevant) those of us who have loved ones with any kind of developmental delay expected more. I don’t know whether or not we had the right to expect more. But we did. I know there have been times when I missed the opportunity to advocate for my son, so I will try not to judge her too harshly. I will not say she’s a bad person, or a bad mom. I will simply say that I am disappointed. Sarah Palin was given a golden opportunity to advocate for her child, and all our children. She was given an opportunity that many of us parents of children with developmental delays can only dream of. She had the attention of the country, and maybe even the world. Everyone was listening to what she, a parent of a child with Down syndrome, had to say. I am so very disappointed that she chose politics over advocacy.

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