An Attitude of Gratitude

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I have been away for a bit. I haven't blogged, haven't been checking in on the blogs I follow (sorry guys) and I haven't even been on the babycenter community board that I normally love. I've been busy yes, but mostly I've just been in a bit of a funk I guess. It occurred to me this morning, Thanksgiving day, that I need an attitude check. I've been so focused on all the things going wrong and not on the many things that are not. So, here is my list of the things I am grateful for....

I am grateful for:


my family


my nice hot cup of coffee


that Drew is still asleep so I can blog


that Paul is safely on his way home from his hunting trip and we get to spend the holidays together, no-one is overseas or in the hospital. I am also grateful he didn't get anything - sorry babe, but it's the truth. I don't really wanna eat Bambi...


that I don't have to cook today


that even though money is super tight, we can still afford basic cable and an internet connection


that discovery health is in included in basic cable


that while my couch is super ugly it is really really comfy


that Tony seems to finally be feeling a little better


that Drew is getting his first tooth


that even though he may irritate the heck out of me sometimes I am married to a good man who loves me enough to tell me so every single day


that Tony is doing well in school despite missing more than a month


that Tony's school and teachers have been so supportive and understanding of his health issues and our family's struggles in general - I must say I am pleasantly surprised at this


that both my kids have doctors who seem to genuinely care about them and their health and that their doctors are pretty good at communicating with me

that the medications seem to be keeping Drew's reflux under control

that while my car is acting up (i.e. dying) it is still technically running, AND has not broken down in and inconvenient spot


my fancy new cell phone with the calendar in it


that I don't have to cook today


that I get to live in the town I grew up in, surrounded by my family who I love


my parents, my brothers, my sisters in law and the "sister of my heart" - yes that's you Jen :)


my nieces and nephews and the new little niece or nephew on the way


my house, my very first house :)


that Drew is making some progress with his motor skills


that we have health insurance


that Paul has job security


that Paul gets the opportunity to go to school to learn welding - something he really wants to do, that he will develop a skill he can use when/if he retires from the Guard and/or decides not to work on Chinooks and Blackhawks anymore


I am so very grateful that despite many many health issues that could have been really really bad - both my kids are still here and doing ok. I am grateful that they can smile, laugh, wiggle, play, give me attitude, give me hugs, and that they know how much I love them.


Oh, and in case I didn't mention it, I'm grateful I don't have to cook today.



Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!!!


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A pin-prick of light?

At the end of the tunnel that is. I'm almost afraid to type this, I don't want to "jinx" it. I will blame my superstitious nature on my Celtic and Sicilian roots - see? I had no chance there. Anyway, it seems that maybe, just maybe Drew is making some progress with the eating! There, I said it. Typed it. Whatever. Nothing bad happened. Knock on wood.

Yesterday we had an appointment with Drew's GI doc. I was fully expecting to be told that I would need to go ahead and get a G-tube (a feeding tube placed directly into the stomach) surgery done for Drew. He has had an NG (nasal gastric - goes in his nose, down his throat to his stomach) tube for a year now - almost unheard of. At the time of Drew's last appointment he had developed a swallowing aversion. He absolutely would NOT swallow ANYTHING. His reflux had gotten so severe that he was violently throwing up 4-5 times a day. His GI doc prescribed Reglan and he started doing better. For the past 2 weeks he has slept through the night (pretty much). He doesn't throw up any more! At all! Well, except that one time he cried himself sick - darn that separation anxiety. He has just the occasional spit-up now, just like a regular baby. This was all very good news, I know, but he still wasn't really eating, just spitting it back out. So even though he was keeping the tube-food down, I figured it would just take too long to get him eating (like years) and I would just have to suck it up and get the G-tube. Just in the past couple days though he has really seemed to be doing better with eating. He still spits his food back out, but he seems, well, more interested in the food. So I told this all to his GI doc at our appointment yesterday. She feels he is doing very well. It takes some time for the esophagus to heal she said, lets see what happens in the next two months. YAY! I know it may sound nuts to some of you moms who have the G-tubes because most people like the G-tube better than the NG - let's just say I have my reasons for not wanting to go the G-tube route. I was happy, but still a little wary. I was thinking, are we just postponing the inevitable? If he has to get it, why wait?

Well, today we had our feeding therapy appointment. His FT said she sees a definite improvement. A. DEFINITE. IMPROVEMENT. He is actually swallowing a tiny bit of his food! wooo hooo! So, there is my little pinprick of light. It is small. But I can see it.

Oh, and the frosting on the cake ---- as we were leaving the therapy appointment I noticed a tiny crumb of cookie on Drew's shirt. Instead of picking up and flicking it (like a normal person), I stuck it in his mouth (I know, I know, I'm gross) and I felt a little.. bump? ridge? on his bottom gums. Methinks my little guy may FINALLY be getting a tooth!

Some Background

I feel the need to provide some background on our family. I wish I would have started this ages ago, but I suppose I just wasn't ready. I tend to be a bit long-winded. Permission to skim, or even skip is granted to all readers. - just don't tell me you did :)

Like many other families in this day and age, ours is "blended". I was a single parent to my first son, Tony for 8 years before I met my husband, Paul. I was not married to Tony's father. Tony was not planned. He was the best surprise I ever got however, and from the moment I knew he existed I loved him. I like to tease him and tell him that I've loved him since he was a "dot". I was determined to make the best life possible for my son.

When I met Paul I was a few months away from my 30th Birthday. I had decided that a serious relationship, ie. husband was just not in the cards for me. I was sad that Tony would be an only child, but by the time my birthday rolled around I had reached a place of acceptance. I was working full-time as a adm. assistant in the social services dept. of a retirement community. I was also a den mother to my Tony's cub-scout group. It was in cub-scouts that I met Paul. Paul was there with his then girl-friends son and became my "assistant". We became friends, and more importantly he and Tony became friends. To make a long story a bit shorter, Paul's girlfriend took off with her kids in tow, he stayed on in scouts to help out. He pestered me for months to go out with him, and after 3 months I finally agreed.

Paul proposed to me on July 4th, 2005 during a spectacular firework show over the Columbia River. I said yes. We told family and friends, who were all very happy. We set a tentative date for the following spring. Then, on July 9th, 2005 Paul received notice that his National Guard unit would be deployed to Afghanistan. They would leave in October. I was devastated, scared, angry - you name it. We bumped up the wedding to September. It was a beautiful wedding, I will treasure the memories from that day forever. We had a few glorious days at Ocean Shores and then; we prepared to spend our first year together - apart.

We made it through. It was a very difficult time, but going through that hardship strengthened our bond. Every day apart was a test of our love, our commitment to each other and to our vows. We had promised for better or worse and we had meant it. Looking back, in a way I am grateful for this. If we hadn't gone through this and come out stronger, the next challenge would have been harder to handle.

Paul and I got pregnant in February of 2007. We were trying. It had taken a little longer than we thought it would and we were just starting to get discouraged. We were all soooo happy. Tony too; he had been asking for a baby sister since he was 3 years old. We were all so sure that Drew was a girl. :) We called him peanut; and when he would wiggle around in there, I would say "peanut is dancing". We found out later that peanut was a little boy, I was a little disappointed that I would still be surrounded by "stinky boys" but the baby looked very healthy and that was what really mattered.

I had some minor complications during pregnancy. Really low iron, a thyroid problem, a low lying placenta, and a little extra amniotic fluid. Nothing seemed serious enough to the OB to warrant further investigation. Our insurance didn't cover the screening that tested for things like Down syndrome as I was only 32 and not considered "at risk". Money was tight. We decided even if the test was covered, what would it change? nothing. We would have our baby and love him no matter what. We declined the tests. We were sure everything was going to be just fine. We'd had multiple ultrasounds to look at the placenta, everything looked great. Besides, it was our time to have things go our way. The fairy-tale (modified slightly) was now ours. We had "paid our dues" and it was our turn for "happily ever after".

Andrew Declan Dennis was born on October 8th, 2007.

He weighed 6 lbs 2.6 oz. and was 18 1/2inches long.

He was beautiful.

His mother, father and brother were filled with such joy!

About 4 hours after his birth, the OB informed us that they believed he had Down syndrome.

I think I'll save the rest for another day.

How to Start?

I am new to this. The online world. The world of "special needs" still feels new to me too, even after a year. I don't know how to start, do I just jump right in? Do I provide background? Am I supposed to think things through and say something meaningful or just... blap it all out? Please bear with me readers (If I have any) I'm sure I'll get the hang of it.

Why am I doing this? Not really sure. I think maybe I need a voice. A place to let things out so that my head won't be so full of thoughts, worries, fears, etc. A place to celebrate too, and share those momentous occasions with the family and friends I hope will read this.

If someone had asked me a little over a year ago if I would ever consider doing a blog I would have looked at them like they were nuts! I share myself freely with those I know well, but I tend to be shy around strangers. Drew has changed me so much though, in so many wonderful ways. I guess that's the real reason I'm doing this. I want to share Drew, and our story, with others. Maybe someone out there whose world has been turned upside because a baby they love has been diagnosed with Down syndrome will read this and not be so scared. Having your world turn upside down is a little scary, but I think things look more interesting when you're upside down. Try it :)